Cutting Ties Consciously vs. Trauma Response
Am I Cutting Out Toxicity or Running Away from Discomfort?
Spiritual growth comes with growing pains. It’s part of the territory. And while you hope to make the best decisions no matter what you’re going through, there’s a certain level of discomfort you’ll face.
Some of this discomfort might come from dealing with toxicity in your life — friends, lovers, relatives, job stressors and beyond.
And when facing that toxicity, you might opt to begin consciously cutting those stressors from your life.
But how do you know if you’re simply cutting ties with toxicity or running away from discomfort?
Trauma Response vs. Cutting Ties Consciously
When we experience discomfort, we may be quick to cut things out of our lives without much thought. This impulsive behavior is often a result of a trauma response. If you can, try to weed out behaviors that stems from a trauma response and aim for consciously deciding to cut something out instead.
What does a trauma response look like?
A trauma response is an automatic reaction to discomfort that stems from a past experience of trauma. When we experience discomfort, our bodies and minds react to protect us. This reaction can lead to impulsive behavior like cutting things out of our lives without much thought.
A trauma response can look something like this:
a person grew up in an abusive household where speaking the truth was punished or met with violence. As a result, this person may have learned to avoid uncomfortable truths and to suppress their own feelings and needs in order to avoid conflict or harm. This pattern of behavior may become so deeply ingrained that even in adulthood, the person may struggle to acknowledge uncomfortable truths or express their own needs.
Other trauma responses can look like:
Actively avoiding situations, people, or places that trigger uncomfortable emotions
Scanning your surroundings constantly for signs of potential threats (which can be real or imagined)
Difficulty regulating emotions
What does running away from discomfort look like?
Running away from discomfort involves avoiding the things that make us uncomfortable. This can look like staying in a job we hate because we’re afraid to leave, avoiding difficult conversations, or ignoring our own needs. Running away from discomfort doesn’t allow us to grow or learn from our experiences.
Running away from discomfort can look like:
a person has a close friend who tells them something uncomfortable, such as pointing out a behavior that is harmful or unproductive. Instead of responding with curiosity or gratitude, the person may experience intense feelings of shame, fear, or anger. They may feel like their friend is attacking them personally or that they are being criticized for something they can't help.
In response to these feelings, the person may decide to cut ties with their friend in order to protect themselves from the discomfort of hearing the truth. This may be a form of avoidance or denial, and it may prevent the person from growing or changing in ways that could be beneficial to their well-being.
Cutting Ties Consciously: How to be intentional in this practice
Conscious cutting involves making a deliberate decision to cut something out of our lives for our own growth and well-being. Here are some ways to be intentional in this practice:
Self Awareness
Acknowledge that questioning your actions and seeking guidance is a sign of awareness.
The journey toward awakening and healing is a series of small steps, not an overnight success. Validate yourself for being on the right path.
The truth is — if you were hiding, running away, or wanting to stay in discomfort, you wouldn't be reading this. The truth is — you're already thinking, analyzing, and interested in taking action to get out of the comfort space and face the discomfort. This is a sign of an aware person even to ask these questions, and this is a great place to start.
Reflect On Your “Why”
When approaching resetting karmic energy or cutting something out of your life, pay attention to the why of it. Meditate on why you started and why you stayed in that space. You'll notice uncomfortable elements like fear, anxiety, doubt, shame, guilt, and pressure that work against you. Acknowledge and reflect on these uncomfortable feelings to become more aware.
During reflection, think about:
→ why did you start to begin with?
Think about: what caused me to be involved with this person, place, experience, job
→ why am I still here or involved?
Think about: what piece of me is holding on to this thing? Is it out of fear of the unknown? Does it contribute to my life in a healthy way? Is there value in continueing with this (relationship, job, etc)?
Refrain from Impulsivity
Don’t let difficult situations, conversations, or uncomfortable truths control how you react to them. Be mindful so you don’t end up regretting what you said or did after you’ve had time to think about it.
This means avoiding sudden decisions to cut out friends, relationships, family, or quitting a job. Reflect on it. Acting impulsively is a trauma response not consciously cutting ties.
Label Your Desired Feeling
Ask yourself who you want to be and what feeling or energy you want to step into to make space for that person. Label that feeling (e.g., calmness, playfulness, freedom).
Start taking actions that cultivate and multiply that feeling and energy. Notice the formation of new habits and the turning around of your story. And one of the most beautiful things you can do on a day-to-day basis is to acknowledge these elements of fear, shame, guilt, and anxiety, and release it.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself in this process:
Who do I want to be?
What am I doing that is contributing to becoming more of that person?
What am I doing that isn’t serving that desire?
Who am I surrounding myself with that supports this?
Am I around anyone stunting my spiritual growth?
What energy do I need to step into to make space to become who I want to be?
Acknowledge and Invite in the Light
When you decide to cut out toxicity from your life, it's crucial to acknowledge the old while stepping into something new. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the negativity and the things we need to let go of that we forget to focus on the positive things we want to invite in.
Instead of fighting the darkness, try opening the window and inviting light in. This can be done through simple affirmations like "I'm not running away. I'm not hiding. I'm not escaping." This type of positive self-talk can help shift your mindset and cultivate awareness.
Remember, any moment of awakening or healing is a series of small steps, not an overnight success. Celebrate each small step and acknowledge the progress you've made. You're on the right path, and inviting light in will help guide you in the right direction.
Meditate Often
Meditation is a powerful tool in your conscious cutting journey. It can help you connect with your inner self and cultivate awareness, making it easier to identify toxic patterns and make positive changes in your life.
